Ingratitude! thou marble-hearted fiend...

“Ingratitude is treason to mankind.” James Thomson

Wednesday, 10 August 2011


I made the decision yesterday to clear my front garden of potential missiles, including windowboxes, potted plants and recycling odds and ends just in case the destruction carried on a further half mile from South Ealing down to my street. We are blessed with a truly crap high street, so far not deemed worthy of looting, and long may it continue.

Of course my neighbours didn't worry about clearing their front gardens, so I guess it was all kind of pointless, but how stupid would you feel the moment your terra cotta plant pot came sailing through the window followed by wine bottles and the entire cast of Lord of the Flies? Pretty stupid I guess. Like, I wish I'd come out during the adverts and removed the temptation instead of turning over to Road Wars and eating the rest of the prawn crackers.

Are these looters "disaffected youth" or are they very avid participants in their own culture? I think we're witnessing the ultimate triumph of consumerism on the streets of London. It has worked so well at stirring people into a frenzy of aspiration and acquisitiveness that they've gone out and jolly well acquired all the real branded goods they can get their hands on. No more market knock-offs! No more Korean Uggs off eBay! The real deal, carried with one's own fair hand through the window of J D Sports and ready to wear once the broken glass is dusted off. And a sense of achievement to boot.  


  1. disaffected youth my ass. i was a disaffected youth and, in a time honoured tradition, i made everyone's life a living hell through the skillful use of bad attitude, eye rolling and sarcasm. i didn't loot. (though, hell, perhaps i ought to have! oh those designer jeans! those small shiny electronic devices! oh happiness!)

    we also had a nice little riot in vancouver inspired by a hockey game loss - now THAT was embarrassing in light of syria, egypt and libya.

    sorry you're potentially in the line of fire. i suggest you boil great vats of oil and pour them from your roof onto any "disaffected youth" that stray your way. it'll cure them in a jiffy.

  2. Oh, don't get me started on sport and violent misbehaviour!

    Yes, what's wrong with a little sarcasm and eye-rolling? Time honoured teenage tactics guaranteed to get up everyone's nose!

    I LOVE your boiling oil idea, but, as with dinner parties, it's so hard to keep everything piping hot until you need it.

  3. Great post- funny and insightful. Man the barricades!!! I keep imagining you in that Delacroix painting "Liberty Leading the People" with Liberty stripped to the waist holding the Tricolor.

    I love the boiling oil idea. Do you have a large iron vat to hoist onto the roof?