Ingratitude! thou marble-hearted fiend...

“Ingratitude is treason to mankind.” James Thomson

Monday 19 July 2010

About myself.

I am not in a bad mood as such, but I seem to be struggling to refrain from lecturing people about their stupidity. More of an eye-rolling mood really.

I receive a mystery letter in the post. A survey. Specifically, PATIENT EXPERIENCE TEAM SATISFACTION SURVEY. A satisfaction survey from the Hounslow NHS makes me feel a little... funny.

Odd. Antsy. I find it difficult to quantify what the exact feeling is, but I know it is going to provoke careful, vicious pedantry.

NB: I want to state clearly that I do not think I am a better, more perfect person, grammatically or otherwise, than whoever composed this survey. I merely want to mock. And complain.

First of all, they have spelled my address incorrectly. Secondly, in the first paragraph, as a noun, take-up should be hyphenated, snapshot is one word and I think you mean 'disadvantaged' with a d on the end. Also, About Yourself? How about trying the word "you," as in, "About You." Figure out you vs yourself, I am begging you.

Question 5 - 'What do you consider to be your ethnicity?' contains the options 'white' or 'other white background,' along with a further variety of ill-conceived choices.

Indulge me, just for a moment. WTF?:


I can't even think of anything funny to say about this. To be clear, I find it funny, I just don't know what I can add to make it funnier. 

And finally, hilariously furious chicken-scratchings of myself. Just call me Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells. At least this should save me the trouble of filling in the bit about mental health.

I scribbled this "comment" indignantly until it dawned on me I could never send it for fear of looking like a disturbed shut-in. I'm not sure how different it is posting it here, except that this is where it apparently makes me feel good to parade things I am normally embarrassed about.


If you cast your mind back, you may remember that I mentioned a certain medical procedure that is supposed to take place. A letter was received, with a form which wants returning, via oddly-inscribed enclosed envelope.

Hi Charlie!


In the "On The Other Hand" files, in the midst of having a tantrum on the phone with my dental insurance provider due to an ongoing argument about what constitutes 'maintenance' vs 'treatment', I find out that I have paid them £600.59 and they have paid me £1440. So woo-hoo me and my fucked up teeth. I'm now not as bothered by the £81.50 I maintain they owe me. So, lemons and lemonade, etc.

And on a final technophobe note, I ask you, why is my Macbook dashboard always wrong about the weather? There is a little weather widget in my dashboard which contains vaguely seasonal weather information (summer=warm, winter=cold) which is never accurate.

Does this seem right to you?


  1. Ohh snap! Just had angry phone yellings with someone in India from hsbc. I was so mean (with a little bit of crying in my voice). I have excess anger now, so might go follow a child and see if i can't catch them doing something forbidden.
    *As if on cue, I see two small children with pens up their noses. Must Go Tell Someone Off

  2. Oh dear. I always have excess anger. At what stage does it become inappropriate to call it excessive when it is the norm? And I don't even have children to take it out on. Hmmph.

  3. What really pisses ME off *rolls up sleeves* is the stuff that by son brings from school FULL of Americanised spellings (look - even the bloody blog is telling me to write 'Americanized')and howlingly obvious grammatical errors.

    ALSO - BBC Books - why are their spellings Americanised too?! They keep telling us 'It's YOUR BBC'. Well, I want MY BBC to use English spellings in their books!!

    That is all.

    Great blog btw ;-)

    Ali x

  4. bicycle,

    i would shoot people who use poor grammar if it were legal. sadly, here it is not. i would shoot people who say "the letter came for maude and i" in the kneecaps first and watch them suffer for a bit. ditto with the "yourselfers." (btw, i realise that not capitalising also makes me annoying but it is nothing but sheer, unadulterated laziness, so that's ok.)

    americanised spellings drive me nuts, too. i specifically set my macbook spellcheck to CANADIAN and yet am now covered in little red squiggles. fuck you, squiggles! i know how to spell.

    when i graduated i was given a diploma for "english honors" and i immediately ran off to complain that in a canadian university, the least i could expect of my diploma was the proper fucking spelling. bastards.

    and since when have we dropped the e in blonde? i was most certainly not informed.

    and how about morons who do not know how to properly use "comprised" and use it interchangeably with "composed"?

    fuckity, fuck, fuck, FUCK!

    by the way, i think your comment was sheer restraint and good grace. you never once used the word "fuck."\

    by the way, the other white would be polish.

  5. oh, and the mac weather thingie is only as wrong as every other weather network i have ever consulted. i find the idea of a 5 day forecast ridiculous, obscene and utterly mendacious. bastards.

  6. Apologies for the creeping Americanisation of non-American English. I will mention it at the next meeting.
    I would like to draw attention to the fact that I am quite scrupulous about using English spellings (when in Rome etc.) even though it must seem ridiculous to my American friends and family. I don't think I'm capable of being bi-spelling-lingual, so my personal default setting is UK. It also neatly avoids being labelled a moron and constantly corrected by English people.
    Thanks Alison! Is it just more glaring when school-type professionals make grammatical errors, or are there more clueless people teaching school?
    Polish Chick, I think people are just not au fait with the gender agreement on blond(e), which seems impossible, but I have seen a lot of "blonde man" mistakes too.
    The forecast might be wrong, sure - but what about the weather that's happening now? That's what my beef is about. Hmmph.
    Tomorrow I think I will try substituting "yourself" for "you" all day. Do you think anyone will notice?

  7. i check the forecast for the sheer hilarity - often i am told i am basking in sunshine while the sky is overcast and grey. sometimes it is the opposite. while i appreciate the fact that forecasts are most likely centralised, i think someone somewhere ought to pick up the phone, call their cousin george in the town in question and ask, say george, what's it like out there? which would make environment canada (or the weather network) look a lot less like a bunch of incompetent morons. because you're right, while the forecast has a little bit of the crystal ball mystique, it is strange when current weather is dead wrong.

  8. let's meet Belgian Waffling in KILBURN, baby! go on. I will be the one with the mysterious face with too much makeup and a thin bead of sweat on upper lip.

  9. And I will be the one, er, looking awkward, bit fat, possibly wearing something with holes in it.
    We should devise a secret handshake or something. Shall we both wear charity shop polyester dresses?
    I am feeling unfeasible amounts of self-inflicted pressure to turn up looking elegant. At a pub. As if.

  10. Looking elegant is overrated. let's just look WASHED. I will have my tom ford lipstick on - it will be a shining orange beacon blinding everybody and making my teeth look a little on the yellow side. and my hair will be terrier-esque. we will find each other in seconds, my friend. til thursday then! *EXCITED*

  11. *seething with jealousy* - you have Tom Ford lipstick?! Oh Harridan - I am so jealous I can hardly type :-) Be honest - is it worth the dosh?!

    Ali x

  12. i love my tom ford lipstick more than my children and that is NO EXAGGERATION. It is essential, like food and water.