Ingratitude! thou marble-hearted fiend...

“Ingratitude is treason to mankind.” James Thomson

Tuesday 6 July 2010

Door in the middle, love.

If you happen to be a person like myself who sometimes idly watches Location Location Location of an evening, you probably won't may remember the one where a couple traipse around the countryside disagreeing on what house is acceptable for them to buy and live in. Hang on. I need to narrow it down more.

The chap is a military man if I remember, and he's quite hopeful that they can nail it down before he goes off on a mission and leaves his wife on her own for a further six months, while the wife seems determined to not be happy with any of the houses. No? I need to be more specific.

They have got the wife's mother involved, in what sort of seems like revenge on the husband for leaving her on her own too much. The mum will be living with them in her own building or annexe or compound and she's retired but very very active, and wants to find a home where she has access to a local choir, theatre, opera, rowing club, kickboxing gym, rockclimbing centre - I don't know, lots of organised social and cultural stuff that you don't normally associate with living in the country. She's also got a massive budget for her bit of the house, many and various very high standards and won't settle for anything marginal. It's proving to be a challenge to meet the needs of both the wife and the mum in anything like a reasonable timeframe.

For me, the highlight of the show is when they arrive at yet another attractive, double-fronted country property and the bloke, quietly desperate to acquire a house that meets these disparate needs, points out that this one, even at this early kerbside stage, is looking hopeful. He helpfully gestures up the walk. "Door in the middle, love."

Sometimes the lovely man and I seek something unlikely, something which may not even exist, and even beginning the search we feel less than optimistic about finding it. And some time later, there we both are, walking down a quiet street or reading the paper or filling the car with petrol and something promising appears. And whichever of us spots it first turns to the other and says, "Door in the middle, love."


  1. And thus is the shorthand of relationships born. M. DeFarge and I find that we can have entire conversations about life by reciting bits of 'Come Dine With Me'. It avoids deep misunderstandings through actual communication.

  2. i love those shows. i particularly like the north american ones where the young couple with improbable teeth finds everything too small. everything that in any other part of the world would be considered ginormous? for them? too small! it makes me swear at the tv and it's FUN!

    one of our shorthands - "you don't like my cooking" which has a longish story to it, but i won't share because...well, those not directly involved would find it dull, while those directly involved would stop speaking to us.

  3. Hello there - sorry I've been on holiday and I didn't get round to the meme-thingy, is it too late? Are these things supposed to gather momentum and create a frenzy in the blogosphere? Or should I just get on with it?

  4. Mme DeFarge - I ADORE CDWM. We must speak at length about this. My first question: which episode moved you so that you quote from it? I must know.

    KTK - Many thanks. The word 'sweet' is not applied enough to me and my works I feel. 'Sour' - yes.

    PC - Yes! Too small, and they can't abide the bourgeois decor! And they need two baths per bedroom. I love that too.

    TNMA - Please, if you would like to do it, I would love to read your answers! If only I could create a frenzy somewhere... But I think this might be on the 'butterfly wing' end of the spectrum as opposed to the monsoon end. (Does that make any sense at all? I am having some hormone brain problems today and assume that people know what I'm talking about however unlikely that may be.)