Ingratitude! thou marble-hearted fiend...

“Ingratitude is treason to mankind.” James Thomson

Wednesday 24 November 2010

Shakin in my poots.

Oh dear me, how heartily amusing.

I ineptly managed to not-quite-center it, but don't worry, you're not missing anything. (High standards: I got 'em.)
(Edited to add: videos fixed - hurrah, etc. - with this clever chap's handy trick for easy video resizing. Thanks Kel!)

Holy sweet-smelling hilarity Batman, who would expect Dior to swallow this presumably very expensive lame Alfie Goes to Paris creation? Anyway, I assume that's where they were - I saw the Eiffel Tower, but then I had a brief choking fit and needed to leave for a moment to get a tissue and a glass of water. I expect at some stage Jude Law was powering down the Seine in a speedboat wielding a pistol in one hand and a bottle of Kronenbourg in the other.

(I'll bet as we speak Guy Ritchie is in talks to do the next James Bond film, entitled The Spy Who Sent Me Home in a Fucking Ambulance, starring Jude Law, with Danny Dyer as the villain.)

At least Mr Law gets to actually do some stuff. In her ad, poor Keira Knightly is required to rapidly flash a variety of facial expressions intended to concisely convey such diverse and complex emotions that it resembles a kind of facial voguing. Pensive, jolly, seductive, perky, stabby and goingsomewhereinahurry - they're all there.

All these faces are admittedly kind of similar, except for the one of extreme merriment excited by dabbing a little perfume on a man. And who wouldn't chortle at such a whimsical frolic? Someone made of stone, that's who.

Chanel have previous; I think they more or less invented this new oevre of perfume advertising where there are characters, conflicts, plots and subplots, an antihero, resolution and denouement lovingly teased out on the screen in, well, seconds. Just for fun, let's relive this one. All together now: "I'm a dahncer..."

I'm pretty sure this is just one more thing we can blame on Christmas.

You can blame this new post on Thanksgiving. Instead of chopping/baking/marinating/sautéeing/peeling/scrubbing/
cleaning/hoovering/shopping/burning myself,
I'm here, giving back to the people. I'm good that way.


  1. I don't UNDERSTAND! Is Jude Law one person, or TWO? And why naked? Oh, Outright Ingrate, I cannot go on school run because I have been stopped in my tracks by the MYSTERIOUS PLOT! The children will be waiting for me while I sit here with a confused expression, writing out a mind map trying to work out the intricacies of the Parisian naked spy mini drama, and they will get COLD! and it is all Dior's fault. SHAME on Dior. They should just make nice clothes, and leave it at that.

  2. what i want to know is if it's considered sexy these days, to tie a man's shoes for him, because if that's the case, i'm hooped - mr. monkey almost always wears slip-on shoes, so there goes an opportunity to be all raaawr and shit.

    as for kiera, well, apparently i'm made of stone. but i do like her dress.

  3. First, let me apologise for rashly and irresponsibly putting the Harridan's children in danger. (And also: mind map! ha ha!)

    And Polish Chick, I am sad for you that your opportunity to play Hooker Valet for your husband is so cruelly out of reach.

    I love comments, especially when I can read and respond to them when I should be cleaning my house and cooking a seasonal feast for thousands (well, five). x

  4. What the FUCK is that Guy Ritchie film about? All style over substance!! The sort of thing that has me chucking jelly beans (or even the dispenser) at the telly in undisguised contempt.

    Keira - Ah, Keira has got one of those faces that look better not smiling. Like Angelina Jolie. Keira looks like a small highland terrier when she smiles, god love her.

    I don't mind the Chanel advert cos it's got real diamonds in it, but I much preferred Jade Goody's version which was very funny. Fugging HATED that line 'Aym a DANCER!' That particular line has me threatening to throw the hamster cage through the screen.

    I maybe premenstrual though.

    Ali x

  5. "it's the right thing to do"? really? what is she, a researcher on the cusp of finding the cure for cancer? jesus!

    and since we're on the subject of small furry beasties, dontcha think nicole looks exceptionally rodent-like?

    and thanks, ali, now i must rewatch coco to check out the terrier. thanks A LOT.

  6. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Britain?

    Do you know the 1970 Musical- CoCo?

  7. I'm perversely pleased that this irritates others.

    Stephen, I'm a US transplant, so while we in Britain do not, we from the US may, if so inclined. It's awkward, as no one has the day off and it's all a bit rushed and late.
    Thanks so much for the link! I had no idea Ms Hepburn did musicals (in her own charismatic way), and no, I had never heard of Coco the musical.